Bringing up Mel

A woman of a certain age

2011-07-22T08:24:00.002-08:00

Among other happenings this year, I turned 30. I made sure to completely overload my schedule so that I wouldn't have the time or emotional energy to freak out about it. My PhD defense was the day after, I had a play the night of, and my final draft of my written dissertation was due that next Monday. However, in the not so busy moments that have followed turning 30, I've begun to realize I am doing things that women of a certain begin to do. For instance, to satiate the loneliness, and potentially the baby lust, I got a dog, or more appropriately, my parents got me a dog.

I frequently get these looks of reproach

She's totally hilarious and with a ton of personality, but I don't think she quite has the effect my mother was hoping for when she sent my dad on an 800 mile errand to pick up the dog. She is not a guy magnent. Rather, she attracts small children and old ladies, which is not entirely bad, but doesn't do much for my dating life.

She is constantly laughing at my silly human ways

It's also been interesting to see where my friends stand on the whole dog versus cat issue. One friend who I thought would be exclusively dog, is pretty luke warm to her. Another who I thought would be all cat, totally loves her. She is a bit feline-like.

Otherwise, it's nice to have a buddy for Zissou and she generally is very well behaved and has only destroyed non-essential items (so far) in her evenings of destruction.

What has been perhaps the most interesting experience of dog-ownership is the dog-park dynamic. Now, maybe you all knew this, but dog park people are a very strange, but very tight clique. Autumn immediately ingratiated herself because she's gorgeous. But I'm a bit awkward and apprehensive about the whole thing. I hate it when the 90lb lab humps her, and I'm not a fan of the pit mix that runs her down and bights her face. She's just a baby! And I almost went apeshit when someone said guinea pigs were stupid pets. Zissou is awesome and anyone who says otherwise is a gerbil lover.

So, hopefully I can stave off the weird middle-agedness for a few more decades. But in the meanwhile, the collie and the guinea pig are keeping my PhD company.

He may look like a dust bunny, but he's adorable!

Why depression can actually make you more outgoing

2011-07-21T12:52:00.002-08:00

In keeping with the theme of carpe diem, I've been saying yes to things I never would have before. For instance, I visited an iris farm with my advisor's wife. Although not something I would have said yes to in the past, I had a great time. The sky was beautiful. The irises were in fine form and I got a great dinner and time with my dog out of it. And so I made a deal with myself that I would start to say yes more than no. Because of this new philosophy, I just got invited to a Russian hot-pot party on Saturday. I have no idea what this will entail, but I'm up for it because the alternative is sitting at home with the dog, drinking cheap wine, playing tug-o-war and watching some awful movie.

Irises against the rolling Palouse hills

Really, anything is better than sitting at home and having that dog stare at me wondering how she ended up with such a sad sack. Other things I've said yes to lately:

Glacier Vacation

Hawaii Collecting trip

Dog sitting

Designing a humorous post-doc blog

Giving blood

Climbing a mountain

Preparing songs for an open mic night

Mountain biking

Warrior Race

Flowers and clouds on a lovely summer evening

And that's all I can remember right now.
Spasibo.

Carpe diem dammit

2011-07-21T12:08:00.001-08:00

Today my heart breaks for my dear friend, Laura. I met Laura in 2004 when we were both education rangers in the Everglades. Laura has a contagious laugh and an uncanny capability to make me smile when I totally feel like shit. Every night, I could hear laughter emitting from Laura's room as she spoke to her boyfriend, Will, another ranger. The awful thing about Park Service romance is that you so rarely are in the same place at the same time all the time. Will was still in Yellowstone while Laura was fightin' gators, but it was completely obvious that they were totally in love. Fast forward and Will and Laura tie the knot in a small, but gorgeous ceremony in Hawaii (with their adorable beagle, Hobart as a witness). I only saw pictures, but love exuded from them. And like truly good people, they took their vows completely to heart. Will was diagnosed with cancer, to which our response was, WTF? Cancer? Who gets cancer at 30? Ok, let's do this. And they did. Chemo, surgery, flights to Huston, missed vacations and work. I've never seen two people so committed to one another. And yet, the cancer prevailed. Despite the faith and commitment and love to one another, Will passed-on yesterday. The death of someone so young is heartbreaking. The pain caused to his wife and best friend is heartbreaking. The only saving grace is that Will did exactly what he wanted to do. He lived the life he wanted to live, married the girl he loved, and fought hard to do it all. This should be a lesson for all of us. Life really is too short to leave things unsaid or undone. To suffer through work or life is doing a disservice to yourself and to anyone who didn't have the opportunity to live theirs. So, in honor of Will, I will seize this day and those that come after it.

Community responsibility of science

2010-06-05T15:38:00.002-08:00

I've been struggling with the idea that in order to justify a career in the sciences, I need to do something that helps the broader community. This generally means doing something applied like work in invasive species, but can also apply to empirical work that promotes conservation of areas in order to study rare species or phenomena. That being said though, why do we have to do something for the world? Why can't we write our check to the Union of Concerned Scientists and call it good?
I think the time has come to admit that not all science has to be directly applicable and that not all discoveries have to mean something life changing for the human race. New species, new understandings of processes in biology, chemistry, and physics stretch the boundaries of human understanding of the world and universe in which we live. Unfortunately many projects, even though they are scientifically interesting, because they don't have implications for human health, environmental health, or species conservation, don't get funded. I only point this out because if there is bias anywhere in the sciences, it is in what gets funded and therefore what gets published and disseminated and reproduced.
Just food for thought.

Since when did elite become a four letter word?

2008-09-23T10:34:00.003-08:00

Not to borrow a note from Sam Harris' page, but I'm beginning to have serious doubts about the simple reasoning capabilities of the average American. Perennially, I fail to see why we would want to elect someone otherwise unqualified for the job based upon the fact that I think I could sit down and have a beer with him or her. In the case of the president, this is the person who holds the launch codes for the largest nuclear arsenal on the planet and I want to be able to have a beer with him? No. I want the leader of the largest super power in the world to be educated, at least as much as me, experienced and worldly. After all, nationalism is not the only issue that a president deals with on a daily basis. I also want a president who can think on his or her feet - who doesn't need a cue card to remember relevant facts and situations. And, I also don't want a president or vice-president who believes that this is the "end of days" and that she's fighting the fight of the "last generation". Perhaps that's too inferential, but having attended Assembly of God services three times in Alaska (once in Wasilla), I can tell you for certain, these people aren't operating on the same level as you and I. Foregoing the evolution debate (she's a strict creationist which makes me shudder, can you not reason with these people?!), the parishioners of the Assembly of God churches believe in a micromanaging God. A god that tells them what to eat, when to sleep and ultimately how to deal with every minutia and issue in their lives. The Pope may be leader of a country and also have the ear of God, but while I respect her right to exercise whatever religion she would like, we're fighting a war on fundamentalism and I don't think we should fight it with more fundamentalism. Much like her leader, Palin cannot tell you the ideological differences between Suni and Shiite Muslims, nor how mainstream Islam is different from radical Islamists in their interpretation. Her small-town leadership has not prepared her for a whole-world paradigm and I'm simply not comfortable giving her the spare key to the whitehouse, even if she isn't an "educated white male" or "east-coast liberal".

Spring time in the Palouse

2007-03-29T12:57:00.000-08:00

As the days begin to lengthen and the sun sheds more light on more of the day, you begin to notice things changing around you. I've been making the walk from home to school since the early days of January. In the midst of winter, I would walk to school in the dark, and make the trek home at dark as well, passing a bridge, a park, and many quiet abodes on my way back to mine. Recently, though, this commute has become somewhat of an experiential sojourn. I leave the office, usually around 5, at least that's what I aim for, and I exit into an often sunny evening. Students are bustling about with their ipods in ears, wearing the latest spring fashions (even though it's still only about 50 degrees F outside). It's funny, but they sort of form a homogeneous mass, making them easily discernible from other members of the campus (e.g. grad students, faculty and staff). I descend a massive hill (note: this hill must be ascended every morning as well) noting the newly blooming daffodils and other spring ephemerals. I also notice that the brown hill is slowly becoming green as dormancy gives way to the great growth that must start and end before the fall. I walk past the park and enjoy the rowdiness of pee-wee t-ball and soccer being played on the newly green fields. What a freedom it must be to run and chase and fall with such abandonment. Then I turn the corning and begin to mount the second of my hills.
Recently, I have been watching an old man who is out tending to his flower beds every evening as I pass by. His back is curved from years of spinal degeneration, and his home and other buildings bear the signs of neglect. Yet, here he is, pulling weeds, raking dead humus away to reveal a carefully planned and beautifully executed series of flower beds. Purple lilies, a variety of tulips and daffodils, and snow drops emerge from their once frigid dorms in this dark earth. I don't know if he notices my observations (I'm staring at him, taking in his every move), but I find some serenity in his actions. He his methodical and calculating in his efforts to cultivate beauty.
In some way, this is what spring time is: A methodical process of bringing the world out of our wintry hibernation and into a season of tempestuous unpredictability.
I look forward to warmer days and less time at the desk. Ciao.

Hooray for snow!

2007-02-21T14:32:00.000-09:00

I realize that after the last entry that perhaps I may have sounded a bit dire (it prompted e-mails and phone calls from my parents to make sure I was alright - thanks Mom and Dad), but things are looking up. Still no money for sure, but I at least have an idea of what research I can do this summer and that's the first major hurdle to get over. But, I won't bore you with the mundane details of grad student life - just know that I have been getting away from time to time to hit the slopes and shred it on the mountain. With the exception of last weekend, the snow here has been phenomenal and I'm having a great time honing my snowboarding skills. I still try to shirk the 'snowboarder' image as much as possible (aka listless jerk who flies down the mountain out of control without regards for others), but I'm starting to look a little too good to not be considered bonafide (I hope people can sense the sarcasm there). Here's a picture of my roommate Brian and I on the chairlift on a day when the temp didn't get about 10F. It's really the embodiment of happiness - hooray for snow!

Crawling towards an indeterminant end

2006-12-15T07:58:00.000-09:00

Ugh....brain is mush, body is tired and out of shape, and wardrobe needs some serious emergency care. Why you ask has this transformation occured? Well, it's a little something we like to call graduate school.
Take your best day. The day when you really know what you're doing. When your friends and coworkers enjoy you and tell you you're cool, and smart and funny. Do you remember days like that? I do too, and they don't happen in graduate school. You've left those great days behind for late night paper writing sessions and uncomfortable moments when you have to let your advisor know that you didn't get around to doing 1 of the 150 things he mentioned in passing. How were you to know that was the important item? In addition to being treated like a serf, you live in virtual poverty. I've never considered beans so important. And rice has a whole new meaning. The luxuries in life, chocolate and ice cream for instance, are replaced by a night of mind-numbing tv watching. The glowing screen is sooooo pretty....ah.....
Why would one put themself through this veritable cabre of unpleasantness? Because society tells us we need a Ph.D. to be really successful. Nevermind being good at the job you're doing now, or liking the lifestyle you currently lead. There are always bigger and better things that await the blossoming doctoral candidate. It's complete bullshit, but it's there.
I'm going to end this with saying and attitude change is in order. Not mine of course, but the system. And as always - Damn the man.
Cheers.

Gray hairs and coffee stains

2006-09-15T08:06:00.000-08:00

I am an old fart.

It hurts every time I say it. I thought I would just ignore the social security update that came in the mail. I've simply neglected the budding crop of gray hairs on the top of my head. I accept that I am older than the students I teach.....but when grad students all start saying, "Oh yeah, you are older than me....wow...." What's so freaking amazing about that? Argh.
So, here is another point to prove my new found academic situation: current pages on favorites.
Mycology
Dr. Fungus
Statistics for Dummies
iTunes (this is becoming a serious habit)
Bamboo Society of America
New York Botanical Garden Virtual Herbarium
You get the general idea....nerd.

So, just to prove I'm not that geeky I've posted this picture of Debby and I at our dress-up party. We were Captain Canada and the Royal Purple Crusaders!
So not geeky.

Back in the Academic Saddle again

2006-08-28T09:10:00.000-08:00

Here's how Monday went:
6:30, Son of a bitch, is that the alarm? Find it, find it, find it.....where the hell is the snooze on this thing? Could it sound any worse?
6:33, well, I'm awake now, might as well get up.
Breakfast consists of cold cereal with bananas....now I have to get my stuff ready for school and ready to work out.
7:08 catch the bus (did I mention that I was running to catch it because soeur, with whom I am staying, is perpetually late, it's a good thing she's a track star)
7:16 arrive at the gym/rec center. If this place is any indication of the school's populus, I am in serious trouble. Make resolution to work out more, eat less, and stop drinking beer.
45 minutes on elyptical machine, do those things really work you out? It said I burned 400 calories, but I feel like I just walked for 10 minutes....hmmm......sit-ups, more sit-ups, did I mention the sit-ups? Must burn off beer gut, no more beer, no more beer.
8:30 Head to showers -I am a stinky beast
9:10 I'm in the office reading about Enteroblastic development.....I don't know what it is either.
It's interesting being back at school. The student body is very young, and I feel ever so slightly like a old fart, knowing I'm not, but still.
Classes are interesting. It's weird that I spend what would be a "working" day in class. Seriously? I'm getting paid to do this? Not much, but paid none-the-less.
Insurance is also a bonus in this whole equation. No longer will I put off going to the dentist! Drills and scrapers - bring it on!
I have yet to teach my first lab course. I'm trying to make it as fun as possible, because these people need to be entertained in order to like science. It's a small price to pay to define the difference between the lay term "theory" and the scientific definition of "theory". Maybe we'll finally put that ridiculous child of IDT to bed....maybe not. We'll see.
Anyhoo, I have regular internet access on my own computer, so this should be updating far more frequently than before. Until then, travel the winding road, and try not to trip on the potholes.

Mel 1, Gators 0

2006-01-19T07:46:00.000-09:00

Unscathed by alligators and South Florida cultural weirdness, I continue to press on in the Everglades. It isn’t easy selling this veritable mud hole to school children, but someone’s gotta do it, and until April, that someone is me.
The birds are really starting to come in here, and I saw roseate spoonbills for the first time ever. They look like flying Pepto-Bismol – they’re such a bright pink. The wood storks have also been hanging around, and for any Everglades buffs, the wood stork is one of our species of major concern. Turns out – when we take their habitat away, well that seems to have a negative effect on their populations. Go figure. The other thing we tend to run into as a general problem with selling the Everglades to South Floridians is that most of them are more concerned with how to get off the Dolphin Express alive during rush hour than what’s going on with the Everglades. And really, who can blame them? I-95 and its off-shoots are a sure fire way to ruin a day.
But, onto the niceties of the Panhandle. I’ve been able to get out canoeing on a couple of occasions, although many of the park’s good canoe trails are still closed due to the one-two punch from Katrina and Wilma. In addition, January tends to be one of the coldest months in Florida with lows in the forties and highs in the sixties, and winds out of the east, and to a very mediocre canoeist such as myself, that seems to be a hindrance. I don’t know – just don’t like the thought of getting dumped in shark or gator infested waters. I know, I know, you’re a big sissy Mel. Well, sue me; they have bigger teeth than I do.
There was a moment of excitement when I thought Lindsay Lohan was going to come to the Everglades as part of her treatment for “allergies” over new years, but alas she did not show. Other celebrities who live in or around the Everglades include Dave Barry, Shaquille O’Neal, and Ricky Freakin’ Martin! Needless to say, I don’t see much of them, but there are these three gators on the anhinga trail, and I named them Ricky, Shaq, and Gloria (don’t forget the Estafan machine!). Coming from the Northwest, South Florida is a bit of a culture shock. You don’t have any of the general niceness that you get in the northwest, and people use their car horns so frequently, I’ve started to be able to decipher what different honks mean at different times. There’s the “It’s green, you moron, I’ve been waiting 1/16 of a second, now go!” honk, then there’s the “I can’t believe you slowed and stopped on a yellow light you loser!” honk, then finally there’s the “Hey pretty lady walking on the street, look at my sweet Hyundai!” honk. So much to learn and so little time.
There is talk of doing a little international travel while I’m here. You can get super cheap flights to the Bahamas and Jamaica. Not sure what to do if I get there, but I’ve got a current passport, and soon, the money will be rolling in once I start harvesting my cash crop of ghost orchids out of the cypress swamps. Susan Orlean eat your heart out!
Until the next installment, I wish you all health and happy days in the new year – oh yeah, and I’m up to running three miles a day if anyone is keeping track. Boo-yeah!

Follow the migratory path of Mel

2005-09-30T16:21:00.000-08:00

Another summer come and gone, and as I stare out the window at the rain spattering on the parking lot, I think to myself, I can't wait for snow. But I'm not going to get snow this year. Nope, I'll be lending my services to.....SUNNY FLORIDA!!!!!! That's right folks! A non-paid expense trip to spend six months in North America's most unique ecosystem, the EVERGLADES! You'll spend five days a week canoeing with fifth graders, and alligators, and tromping through the dense swamps showing snakes, spiders, and other slitheries to curious visitors. But to give you a little idea of where I'm coming from, this is the current view from Lake McDonald:
This, however is what Everglades looks like right now:
Which one would you take? Yeah, I know it's a really hard decision. Ski for the winter, run around the swamp looking for things that can eat me. It's a toss up. At any rate, I'm very excited to be employed. Although, truth be told, I was looking forward to my six weeks of unemployment, but I suppose getting paid beats sitting on my parents' couch watching reruns and catching up on Hollywood gossip. That Brad and Angelina thing is really heatin' up though. Oh well.
Currently at Glacier, I'm working with the education groups from the surrounding area, and without fail, I have contracted my first of, I'm sure, many colds. Sore throat, aches, and a general lack of ambition. It's at times like these that I wish I had a tv. But book learnin' will have to do. I have to read through my new Everglades books, so that when I get there, I'm not like "Alligator, who?"
So, if anyone is planning a Florida vacation for the winter, look up Ranger Melissa up in Everglades National Park. I'll be stationed out of Homestead and Hidden Lake.

The Powers of the Badge only go so far

2005-09-10T15:55:00.000-08:00

I would just like to reiterate for the cyber-world and public at large, that because I wear a badge does not mean that I have control of the weather. If I did, you better believe it would snow a lot more in January and be an even 78 degrees from June through September. Unfortunately though, the weather does whatever it is going to do. Encompassing, but not limited to: snow, sleet, hail, copious amounts of rain and lightning strikes. I apologize for these inconveniences, but unfortunately, that 's the crap game you play when planning an outdoor vacation. So buck up, have an alternate plan, and bring an umbrella. There, that's been said, now on to more fun stuff.
Did another back-country trip. Up and over Gunsight Pass

and stayed at Lake Ellen Wilson, which is the one in the picture here. To use a term coined by our friend Eric, "It wope our asses". Yeah, it was kinda tough. Three thousand feet of vertical gain and twelve miles. Argh....I took a nap and listened to loons on the lake. That night, I think we were all dehydrated, so we ate a hearty meal of powerade (the red kind), and chicken picante ramen. Just enough salts to start to get that headache to go away. Then, I made the dumb mistake of reading "Night of the Grizzlies" before we went to bed, which is an account of two grizzly killings on the same night in 1967. Note to self: reading about bear attacks in bear country, not good for sleep purposes. The next day we awoke early due to cramped sleeping conditions, overheating, and Eric's incessant snoring ("I'm keeping the bears away," he says. Right....). Then we headed to Sperry Chalet, where we shared a pitcher of lemonade, after which we got the heck out of dodge, since 12 inches of snow is coming our way!!! Great weekend, and I just passed the 300 mile mark, and 307 for the season. Woo-hoo! I think I need new hiking boots now though, christmas ideas anyone?

Where can I see a glacier? What are those Alpine monkeys? and other funny things tourists say

2005-08-22T09:33:00.000-08:00

Hello again from the crown of the continent, I finally broke down and got some pictures developed although the scanning of them was less than stellar (boo to Wal-Mart), I 'll have to scan the negatives myself sometime when I have a few minutes.
Let's see, the hiking tally is up to 247 miles, and 1 successfully completed peak ascent (Mt. Oberlin). I say peak ascent, but it's really a glorified day hike. Doesn't take too long and it's only a 1500 foot elevation gain. I'm sure we'll be doing some more in the near future, but we'll have to see. Went into Canada, and we were searched at the border. It might have had something to do with the large amounts of drugs and firearms I had stashed in the back of my Subaru. Come on. Do I really look that shady? Well, when we finally got over the border, it was poaring rain, and the prospect of putting a tent up in that seemed somewhat perilous, so we decided to sleep in the car. That's right, three adults, who had just consumed copious amounts of burritos where going to sleep in the back of my station wagon. Ewww.... Well, a few hours and a small bottle of Southern Comfort later, we were sound asleep like sardines in a little can. We woke up the next morning to the sound of hail pounding down on the roof of my new car (ouch), and gathered our berrings and drove into Waterton Lakes National Park in Canada. The hike started out sunny and beautiful, but quickly turned into a long, fog dense hike. Truthfully, we hiked 12 miles, and besides the first three miles, I have no idea what the rest of the trail looked like. When we got to the end, the shuttle to go back to car was not running, so we ambushed some nice mormons coming out of the visitor center and they gave us a ride.
Last weekend was a Canada weekend too, but not quite the amount of rain, but there was a little bit of haze from fires in Washington, so the pictures were somewhat unspectacular. Anyway, hope you all enjoy the pictures and come to Glacier!

Youthful indiscretion backfired!

2005-04-12T13:57:00.000-08:00

So, for my 24th birthday, my bestfriend Leslie and I got pierced. She got a sweet industrial piercing and I got my tragus pierced. I've been feeling pretty bad-ass about the whole thing, because, well it hurt a lot, and it's just cool. One of the things you have to do for these piercings is clean them - a lot. So, I've been diligently cleaning the piercing, but perhaps too much so, because I think I have developed SWIMMER'S EAR!!! What?! I've been dumping so much soap and water down my ear that it has become inflamed. I know you have to worry about contracting things like bacterial infections, hepatitis, and ebola when you get pierced, but swimmer's ear? Come on!

Alaskagain?

2005-04-11T13:47:00.000-08:00

So, what's the lure? Is it the sheer size, or scale of the place? The incredible long summer days? I don't know what it is, but somehow I find myself waiting to board another airplane to Anchorage.
Airports are strange places. It's constant transience punctuated by weird encounters and strange fixtures. For instance, at the Alaska Airlines concourse in Seattle, there is this water fountain that makes these water gurgling noises when you press the button to get a drink of water. The way this thing sounds, you would think that you were trying to get a drink out of Victoria Falls. Anyway, I think it's an art installment because it has a title, a name of someone, and a date printed on a little bronze label right next to it. For what purpose this serves, I'm unsure, but it certainly doesn't add any tranquility with its low pressure. I hate drinking fountains with low pressure - you always have to lean really far down to get a drink, coming dangerously close to touching the spigot. ewww....
Anchorage is Anchorage. I really don't like this town very much, but I'm excited to get to Seward and start working with the kids again. I mean school children, not Jacob Berg. The sky is a gorgeous azure, and the smog is at a minimum, allowing Denali to juxtapose itself between the few tall buildings here in Anchorage. People are gearing up for summer, and I take no small comfort in knowing that I will not have to be here, on an island, for the duration of the summer. The crazy train, called Seward in the summer, will not have me on board, phew!
Just working on shipping a few of my things back to Oregon, and that will be the end of my Alaska reign. I think everyone should try and live in Alaska for at least a little bit, just to experience the challenge. It's a great place to visit, but I'm not sure that I'm ready to live here again. Just a little too far away from the world.
Well, I have some more shameless copying of DVD's to do, but look forward to hearing some of the adventures in Seward that will be coming in the following weeks.

And it only gets worse

2005-03-27T11:30:00.000-09:00

Just when I thought I'd slip back into my comfortable oblivion, I decided to see what was happening on MSNBC. Well, let's just say folks, it's not looking too good. At least Terri Schiavo gets to die in peace (sort of, if you don't count the obnoxious protesters), but what about the president's silence on the school shooting in Minnesota? I guess we know where his priorities lie. And a finger in Wendy's chili? Dear Lord, if there's a finger in that chili, God only know what else could be there.
On a slightly brighter side of things, there is the annual furniture races at Big Mountain ski resort to end the season with a bang. They actually race these things down a hill and try not to kill themselves. It's sure to be very entertaining. I'll try to take some good pictures to post for everybody.

So irritated at the world

2005-03-25T08:41:00.000-09:00

Has the world gone completely mad?! That's a rhetorical question, don't answer. I thought living in Montana, I would be immune from this crap about the world going to hell in a handbasket, but somehow, my escapist tactics have failed, and I am left pissed, and virtually incapable of doing anything because of my remoteness. Argh!!! How my plans have been foiled!
So, here is just a list of a few things that have put the proverbial bee in my bonnet:
Terry Schiavo, or "poor pawn for the religious right". Here's a good article about the Catholic Church's position on the case:http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7276850/site/Newsweek/ It's an interview with a Jesuit bioethicist. Leave it to the Jesuits to make the Catholics sound sane. Are you meaning to tell me that congress, and the president for that matter, is going to overturn the decisions of the Judicial branch whenever they feel like it? And that the constitutional right of marriage means squat? What was all that hot air at the beginning of the electoral season about the sanctity and constitutional rights of marriage? Oh, right, something to get votes from right leaning moderates (Dad).
Ok, number two thing that is totally pissing me off: The whole Pro-athletes using steroid issue. Ok, these people get paid obscene amounts of money for the work they do, and they use drugs; drugs are illegal, steroids are drugs, and we prosecute normal people for using both. WE DON'T WASTE TAX PAYER DOLLARS BY HOLDING CONGRESSIONAL HEARINGS OVER WHETHER OR NOT WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!! Throw Maguire and Sosa's ass in jail, increase teacher salaries and get on with it.
Number three thing really irking me: myopic disposition of this administration. "We're not going to do anything about global warming even though there is an overwhelming body of evidence to support the fact that this is unprecedented warming caused by human actions." I'm actually supposed to show an "Attitude of Gratitude" for the funding that the park service does get. So what they're saying is "Shut up and be happy for what you do get." Is Big Brother watching? Well, it doesn't really matter because all these places are going to be deserts in 150 years anyway. Hey, here's another link for a good article on Global Climate Change in Glacier N.P. so y'all can educate yourselves a little. http://www.nrmsc.usgs.gov/research/global.htm
Breathe Mel, breathe.

Goodnight Nana

2005-03-21T08:31:00.000-09:00

I would like to thank all of you who gave your condolences for my Grandmother. For those of you that do not know, my grandmother, Betsy Porter or "Nana" to me, passed away a week ago Tuesday. It was not a shock as she had been ill for quite some time, but you never seem to be prepared for these things to happen. She lived a good, long life, and it was only towards the end that kidney failure slowed her down. The family is very thankful that she went quietly and peacefully during the night. I would also like to comment on the incredile care and attention paid to my grandmother and the family by the hospice workers. What a hard job, and we could not have done it without them.
She will be missed, but we all know she gets to wake up in a much better place than here.

Dancthing Queen

2005-03-10T13:01:00.000-09:00

Guess who's going to be a bonafide park ranger? That's right, yours truly. I get the Stetson hat and everything, and I'll be leading people on hikes, long hikes, not just pithy beach walks. Kick ass! So, I had the funniest kid the other day. It will be particularly funny for those of you who have seen Napoleon Dynamite. The day was Tuesday, and it was an afternoon just like any other. I didn't take particular notice to this child before, but perhaps because he was hungry, he didn't seem to talk much. Kids do that when they get hungry, they also whine - a lot.
So, we're eating lunch, and this kid gets a few calories in him, and he just starts acting. I recall that some of the phrases went something like this (imagine this dialogue though, with a thick lisp, unable to say r's or s's correctly)
Mel: Who's your favorite super hero?
Andrew: Thpider man. He hath thweet thpots on histh handsth where he sthoots out websth. (Demonstrates spiderman action) And if there were a bunch of girlsth awound we would say 'Girlsth sthep back. We'll handle thith.'
Mel: (Laughing)Oh yeah, so you'd protect the girls if you were spiderman?
Andrew: Yeah, causthe they need help sthometimesth. But you know what I weally like to do?
Mel: No, what.
Andrew: I love to dancthe.
Mel: (Humored and Intrigued) Oh yeah, let's see some of those dance moves.
Andrew: Yeah, I got thome pwetty sthweet dancthe movesth.
He then proceeds to get the kids around him to give him a beat, and starts his "sthweet dancthe movesth". I'm not kidding you, I think it was one of the funniest things I have ever seen. I should have mentioned the fact that he was wearing moonboots (Napoleon style), and very ill-fitted jeans (Napoleon style as well). The dancing consisted of some poorly executed handstands and various hip thrusts, but I don't know, there could have been stuff I didn't see because of the tears pouring out of my eyes. So then, we did the puppet show (don't ask), and went outside to play games. I was trying to get all the 1st graders around to explain the rules of the game (akin to herding cats), and little Andrew pipes up,"I don't think I want play the game. I'm gonna go over there and practithe my dancthe movesth." So he went over to the corner of the field and started dancing. He danced until he saw that the other kids were having fun, and then he came over, but it was pretty darn funny. You know, I'm totally gonna miss these kids when I don't get to work with them any more.
My parents also came and visited this week, and we had a great time. If anyone else would like to visit, I will be here through the 31st of March, and then coming back the 1st of June. Between those times, I will be in Alaska, so there will probably be some very depressing entries from my posts in Seward and Whittier, but we'll try to hang in there.
In lieu of the fact that this week's entry was entirely devoted to this 1st grader, I'm including another first grader funny quote. So here's the stats:
Weight gained: Holdin' steady at 3.2 pounds (God help me)
Wild game night menu: Antelope stew (add a new meat to the list!)
Miles skied/Hiked: 47 (5 mile hike with parents. No more snow =( )
First grader quote of the week: I have a thing with heights. (It's funny when little kids say things like adults - they have no idea what they're talking about.)

Poor poor Marty....

2005-02-28T07:07:00.000-09:00

What did Martin Scorsese do to the academy to deserve this? I mean, sure Million Dollar Baby was incredible, but doesn't Marty deserve to be validated after all these years? Personally, I think he's a little long winded and unfocused, but shoot, just give the man his Oscar and get on with it. He and Susan Lucci should sit down and talk sometime.
Other than that I was really happy about the Oscar turn out, but did anybody else see a little too much of Beyonce? What, did the original artists go on strike or something? Does she have the best manager ever (isn't it her dad? Maybe he offed a couple of them). I don't know, but all I do know is that someone who once sang "Bootylicious" should not attempt French choral works.
And what was up with Josh Grobin? I thought the kid could sing, but can anybody say key modulation? Bring that sucker up three notches and then maybe he could hit the notes. No chance in the world for that kid.
Other than that, things are good and well here. I had an exciting run in with a Justin Timberlake look alike. This kid was a dead-ringer. It actually could have been him, but I doubt it judging the crowd he was hanging with, and well, what would Justin Timberlake be doing in Whitefish, MT? Anyway, we went to see "Hotel Rwanda" the other night and got some dinner before hand at the Bulldog. We walk in, and this blonde guy is blocking the way, so I simply say, "Excuse me", and he moves, but when he turns around, a slight notion of recognition occurs.
I said to Ali and Debby, "Does that guy remind you of someone?" and Ali replied, "Um, he looks exactly like Justin Timberlake." At which point I proceeded to start humming the JT songs I know, all three of them. He didn't come up much in conversation except for the occasional, "I bet he gets that a lot," but when we left, I looked back to see if the other ladies were behind me and accidentally made eye-contact. I nearly jumped. Seriously, this guy could be his double. So weird.
"Hotel Rwanda" was great, and you should all go out and see "Million Dollar Baby" right now. "Sideways" was also very good. Haven't seen "The Aviator" or "Finding Neverland" yet, but they're on the list.
Ok, here's the stats:
New gray hairs: 2
New Birds: Bohemian Waxwings
First Grader Quote of the Week: "If I die, is everybody else going to eat me?"
Miles skied: 41
Pounds gained: 3.4 (Who gains weight on a meager food stipend? I'm saying it's muscle replacing fat.)

Hand Sanitizer - a very good thing

2005-02-23T12:28:00.000-09:00

So far I've been working with the rugrats five weeks and counting, and knock on wood, no colds or illnesses yet. I attribute this, in no small part, to my excessive overuse of Purell hand sanitizer. Sure my hands look like mudcracks in the Sahara, and are about as soft as sandpaper, but so far I have avoided the plague of viruses that these little vectors present. I would also like to thank Lysol brand sanitizing spray, as I use it to disinfect every surface that the children could have possibly touched. It's not overkill - it's self-preservation!
So, this week we had sixth graders for the first time, and I have determined through scientific means, that they are indeed, not human. They have attention spans shorter than first graders, are scared of the opposite sex, but want to have boyfriends and girlfriends, and they actually challenge what you say. Do they not know that as far as winter ecology is concerned, I am their God? Whatever I say is right. Of course snow has insulating properties, and the layer under the snow is called the subnivean, a wood rooted in Latin. Who the hell do these kids think they are? Ph.D.'s? And boys must start really liking boobs at about this point in time because I saw several staring at one of their classmates who was, shall we say, an early bloomer. Sick little bastards. Why can't they all be like first graders? Sure, they don't always make it to the bathroom on time, and their handwriting is atrocious at best, but at least they're not too cool for school yet. Or what I really mean is that they're not too cool for me yet.
Ok, so here's some stats from the park so far:
Miles skied: 39
Strange foods consumed: Turtle, Bear, and Elk (note: wild game night is tonight, so I could have another addition to this list very soon)
First Grader Quote of the Week:
Mel: The snowshoe hare and lynx association is an example of Predator vs. Prey.
Child: What about Predator vs. Alien?
Mel: You'll have to ask Sigourney Weaver.
For grammar geek: I spell checked this, but because of time constraints I am not able to go through and thoroughly proofread this entry, so LAY OFF!!!!!

Life and culture in the canyon!

2005-02-18T07:17:00.000-09:00

So, I finally figured out how to post pictures on the blog. Check out these bad boys! We went to barstool finals in Martin City, MT, and these truly are the creme de la creme of the canyon folk. My personal favorite is the pirate ship chasing the two barka loungers. The true comedy of that one was the end, which was not captured on film, but they ended up crashing into the crowd at the finish line and pandamonium broke out. I love this place sometimes.
So, working with children has made me realize why ritalin was created. A direct quote from a child yesterday:
Parent: (Jokingly) Have you ever heard of ritalin?
Child: I used to be on ritalin, but it hurt my stomach, so my mom took me off of it, but she told me that if I couldn't control myself, I'd have to go back on it. They used to come in little yellow pills...Hey! Can I throw this iceball at a bird?
Me: No, (sigh) Chris.
It's a little sad. It's actually really sad.
On a lighter note: I saw the coolest Corvid extravaganza yesterday. In the trees (lodgepole pines and black cottonwoods to be precise) I saw ravens eating something down by the river, then stellar jays started to approach, then clark's nutcrackers came in, and to finish it off, crows swooped in to finish the job. Way cool.
And I know that the grammar on the last blog is wrong, it was supposed to be like spoken word. Who actually says 'I' in that case? Geeks, and not just regular geeks, grammar geeks.

2005-02-18T07:16:00.000-09:00

A true participant of the Barstool races. That's right he's drinking a beer while racing, if you can actually call it racing.

2005-02-18T07:12:00.000-09:00

Ah, Canyon culture. Yes, that is a pirate ship chasing two recliners.

2005-02-18T07:10:00.000-09:00

Mel's new home sweet home, and oh how sweet it is.

Who hates this day more than me?

2005-02-14T17:58:00.000-09:00

Hey. After a lot of whining and sniveling, and about a bottle of wine (no pun intended), I decided to take out my frustration in writing. I'm using this blog as a catharsis for my total loathing, and hatred of Valentine's Day. Who in their right mind would actually celebrate this God forsaken holiday? Huh? If any of you answer me, you are no longer my friend. Just kidding, but really? It's a day propagated and perpetuated by the greeting card/restaurant/florist conglomerate that secretly rules and executes all non-religious holidays (and some religious ones too. Ever heard of Easter with Jesus? I didn't think so). Why should we support this evil enterprise with our money and efforts? And why isn't every day a day to celebrate the relationships we have romantic or otherwise?
At any rate, this St. Valentine's day was no different than the 24 valentine's days I have experienced in my day, the exception being that I have a blog now and cyber space can now hear my ranting rather than my pillow or family members. The only thing that made this day any better was the first graders. Ah, saved again by the 7 year olds. The funniest thing I saw was a little kid sticking his arms down his bib-overalls and running around crying "I'm a Penguin! I'm a Penguin!" It was seriously hilarious. Maybe you had to be there.
Oh, I already have FIRST GRADER QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
"I'm gonna shoot me a hummingbird. I hear they're good eatin'."
Funny stuff.

Rocky Mountain High!!!!

2005-02-11T14:23:00.000-09:00

Ok, who just started singing John Denver? Don't lie, I know you were doing it.
So another week, a few more gray hairs, and nothing to show for it except some unexplained bruises on my feet. Let's see I'll do a quick run down of this week's events.
The week started out slowly, Monday and Tuesday were fairly uneventful, but Wednesday's class decided to come on Thursday, so Debby and I took a little trip to the east side. We began the morning with a couple strong cups of Joe, and headed out in the faithful Ford Aerostar van, affectionately referred to as "Babe" (as in Paul Bunyon's ox). Heading down Montana highway 2 we stopped for a moment as Maria's pass to sing a little ditty from "Paint Your Wagons". If you're unfamiliar with this fine cinematic masterpiece, I first suggest you watch it (it stars a very young Clint Eastwood, and Lee Marvin both singing), and then you will know the song "Maria's Wind". After that we went to the Goat Lick. I think this is especially interesting because it a perfet place to view cognitive learning and teaching skills of Mountain Goats. The parents teach the young to come to this place and lick the rocks for natural salts. Cool.
So, then we went to East Glacier where the wind was blowing, oh at about mach 3. So hard that it was picking up ice particals and slashing them against my face. OUCH! So I braved the winds to try and ski to a place to see these really cool falls, but we got like 2 miles in and I was like, SCREW THIS!!! And turned around. At least on the way back, I had a strong tail wind to help push me up the hill.
Onwards down the road, we encountered the small town of Browning, Montana. I don't know if any of you have heard of Browning, but it's the last stronghold of the Blackfeet Indians. It's pretty much the capital of the Res. And it's a little on the scary side. So, we roll into Browning looking for some eats, and I'm driving. Now, remember, we've got government plates on this bad boy. As we're driving around town looking for a reputable dining establishment, I apparently turn the wrong way down a one way street. Someone honks at me, I'm tempted to give them the bird, but then I remember the plates. Turns out, there was no sign, I'm just supposed to know that it's a one-way from the parked cars. Right....
So, we decide to get some stuff at the grocery store. The doors of the grocery store are flanked with two very mangey looking dogs, and a very drunk native man. We are the only gringos in the store, and somehow, we get the feeling that we're not so much in welcome territory. So we picked up a hodge-podge of food, in no way a balanced diet, and got the hell outta there. Shudder. Not a place Mel ever needs to go again.
Well, to make a long story a little shorter, we had a strange run-in with the secretary from St. Mary who didn't really talk to us, but rather communicated in a series of emphatic "Hmmm's", with inflection going up or down depending on the response. Cooky. I made another attempt at getting the car stuck, but alas, was unsuccessful. God I love driving cars that aren't mine through 5 foot snow banks. The key is the running start.
Well, that's pretty much it. Oh! We also went to the Bulldog Saloon in Whitefish for dinner last night, and ladies if you're looking for a cheap thrill, I suggest using the stall on the left. Let's just say there's a parental warning on it for a reason. Woo hoo!
Other stats:
Miles skiied: About 35
New Birds to Add to the List: Clark's Nutcracker, Pine siskin, Great Gray Owl
Funny first grader quote for the week: Snowshoe hares can be any color, but pink!

Funny things about 7 year olds

2005-02-04T12:45:00.000-09:00

So there are a ton of silly things that first graders do that would never happen in adults. For instance, they all want to hold your hand, regardless if they are scared, happy, secure, or have to pee. In addition, they will give you unprovoked hugs to express their "Like" for you. When putting on their snow shoes, they find it totally normal to fart, sneeze, and cough in your face, and when you react to this they fall down laughing at your disgust.
You know how you have to raise your hand to get a question answered? Well, first graders apparently have the shortest of all short term memories, I mean these kids can rival the best of all pot smokers. So when they raise their hands - I'm not even kidding about this - like eighty percent of them forget what they were going to say. It goes like this,"Girls and boys, can you tell me an example of an animal that hibernates?" Thirty hands emphatically go up, so I call on one.
"Yes, Susie, what is an animal that hibernates?"
"Umm.......(long pause with lots of deep breathes, followed by giggling), I forgot!"
*On a special note, there are several animals that hibernate other than bears. There is also an on-going argument of whether bears are true hibernators or not. Torpor, or hibernation, you be the judge.
Oh, and let me tell you something else. If food falls on the floor, it is totally fair game. There's no five second rule, no consideration for the condition of the ground surface, no accounting for whose hand it fell from. Nothing. This is why I never eat food offered to me by a first grader. God only knows where it's been.
Ok, so I like to think of the funniest thing a kid said during the week. And this week's goes like this:
Child: I'm psychic.
Mel: Oh really.
Child: Yep, I can tell you how old you are without asking. (Note: Another thing children do that adults wouldn't: ask a woman her age)
The child puts two fingers to each temple and rubs them as if he is trying to center on his third. Then, he opens his eyes and says: 37!
Mel: What?!!!! Do I really look like I'm 37? I mean, I know I have the gray hairs and stuff, but really kid, do I look 37?
Child: (Laughing) How old are you really?
Mel: 23!
Child: Oh! Then I bet I know how old Ranger Debby is.
Mel: How old do you think Ranger Debby is?
Child: (same temple rubbing motions) 24!
Mel: (to myself) you little shit.
Child: What?
Mel: Nothing. So I look 37 and Ranger Debby looks 24?
Child: (laughing) No, you both look the same.
Mel: Whatever.
So ladies and gentlemen, they may look sweet and innocent, but under their sticky and grimy exteriors, lie insults just waiting to be had!
No, but they're lovable in their own ways. Just like many of you. HA!

Your tax dollars hard at work

2005-02-01T13:24:00.000-09:00

So I know the last blog entry said that you shouldn't drive your gas guzzling cars anymore, and while I'm sticking to my guns on that one, it definitely does not apply to government vehicles. In particular, ones I drive. Government vehicles, particularly those with 4 wheel drive are kick ass to drive. You know why? Because they're not yours!! And because they have this sticker on the back that says "FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY". Ha! as if my four-bying is official use! Well, technically it is, but seriously, who are they kidding? So the whole motivation for this ranting is that we get to drive this minivan (Ford Aerostar circa 95) that is equipped with four wheel drive. Seeing as how all the snow is melting, we have to go deeper and farther into the wilderness to find snow, and the four wheel drive has made for many adventures. Now, I'm not saying we haven't had the threat of getting stuck once or twice, but with the skillful driving and maneuvering abilities of yours truly, I have managed to get us out of a few little (or big as it were) scrapes. The treks into the wilderness are for scientific purposes: we're measuring snowpack for a global climate change study, and for avalanche danger, so it's in our best interest to get as close to the trail heads as possible, thereby necessitating the 4x4.